December 05, 2007

One legged man in an a55 kicking contest

Well, things have come and gone and come around again. It's like a subway with nobody at the station...

Well, I was working at Cisco Systems here in Austin as a report writer, then I went to work for a company called Live Oak Interactive, run by my good friend Andy Meadows, as a Project Manager, and now I'm working at Dell as a Program Manager. This feels weird simply because I had a friend laid off from Dell about a month before I started. Not in the same role (God, that would SUCK), but related. It's not perm, but it's good enough right now, and it has the added bonus of being a step up in title.

Have you found LinkedIn yet? You ought to go, it's like Plaxo, only better, IMO.

That's all for now. More later.

April 26, 2007

Something that goes "Beep!"

Hello ladies! (think sleazy lounge lizard voice there)

This time I want to help you. No, not by asking you to do anything you wouldn't normally do but most guys hope you would (Hint: Think VERY tight clothing). No, this time I'm going to bail you out.

Okay, you screwed up. Seriously. You not only screwed the pooch, but you took it out back, beat the snot out of it and took it's lunch money. Fine. You're convinced that the man in your life is going to leave when he finds out, right? Wrong. Here's what you do.

Buy him something that goes "Beep!". Not just anything that goes "Beep!" but something he doesn't already have. There, your problems are all solved. Guys are simple creatures.

If you haven't seen Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, go ahead and rent it. Watch it when you have the time to laugh yourself to tears. Go ahead, I'll wait...

(Sometime later...)

Alright, watched it? Funny wasn't it? Did you like the part about the fish in the fish tank watching the diners in the restaurant? Me too. "Hey look, Howard's getting eaten!" "Is he?"

Anyway, a LONG time before that, in the first scene (The Miracle of Birth), the Hospital Administrator shows off the "Machine that goes 'BING!'". See how happy he was with it? Same deal with your guy.

Not cutting it huh? As long as you didn't sleep with the best man in your wedding, things are still repairable. Seriously. If you slept with your Maid of Honor, your only fault is not tape recording it or inviting him into the fun. You're still cool.

Okay, so it's really, really, really bad. You trashed his computer. You wrecked his Lexus with your $600 shoes from Needless-Markup. Not to worry. Here's what you do.

Still get him something that goes "Beep!", but this time try to make it gas powered.

Until next time...

April 23, 2007

Managing your guy, the simple recipie

I have a lot of female friends, and strangely some of them think that they have their "guy" well handled. Odds are, they actually do, but every now and again they come to me and say something like "He just doesn't seem to appreciate me anymore." or maybe "He doesn't listen at all". Then they ramble on about how they'll mention something and yet it goes unheeded. I have a simple solution for these things: Two words. "Thank you." Now understand that I'm not talking about "Thanks." I'm talking about an actual thank you.

The next time your guy does something like change a lightbulb that needed changing, remember it. Yes, you most certainly COULD have changed that lightbulb, and no, it wasn't that big a deal, but take a moment and actually say "Thank You."

Be specific. Don't just say "Oh, thanks." That's not a Thank You, that's the same as a Poker Sorry. You know, "Gee, sorry I cracked your Aces full of Queens with a four of a kind." BS. You don't really mean it. Instead, when your man gets down from his ladder, or goes to throw out the offending bulb, take a moment and say something like "You know, honey, I was going to change that bulb, and I know it wasn't a big deal, but you've done it for me and now I don't have to take the time to do it myself. I really appreciate it. Thank You for changing that bulb out for me." There, that wasn't so bad, was it? No. Guess what? You'll never have another burned out bulb as long as your marriage lasts. It's that simple. Same thing with anything else. Folding clothes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the counter tops, anything.

Let me give you a hint into the mind of the average man. The only reason your guy changed that lightbulb in the first place is that it was bugging him. He needed to see something well, and the bulb outage was making it harder to do. So, he changed the bulb. Same thing with a counter top. If the counter top is dirty (and by dirty, I don't mean "Hasn't been wiped in 12 hours"), he will wipe it down if he needs it to be clean. Caveat: He will only wipe down the area he needed to be clean. He won't wipe to the end of the counter, he's not going to use it. There is not need to wipe down the part he wasn't going to use.

Now here's the cool part: From now on, he's going to wipe down the entire counter. Why? Because it mattered to you. To YOU, it made a difference.

That's all guys really care about. To feel like they make a difference. To YOU. We only exist in a relationship to serve YOU. If we don't feel like we're making the difference, we stop trying. So, a little Thank You goes a REALLY long way. The down side? You need to check in on some of these things on an irregular basis. Call it once every two or three months. Reiterate your thanks for him doing something that means something to you. Again, not the disposable "Thanks." but something more thought out.

Tip #2 coming shortly.

April 13, 2007

Found this out on the Intarwebs somewhere...

I can't remember where this way, but I found it through

"Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

Joe prepares his morning breakfast; bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and the amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC (or the NCUA, if he's part of a credit union) because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have." "