I have a lot of female friends, and strangely some of them think that they have their "guy" well handled. Odds are, they actually do, but every now and again they come to me and say something like "He just doesn't seem to appreciate me anymore." or maybe "He doesn't listen at all". Then they ramble on about how they'll mention something and yet it goes unheeded. I have a simple solution for these things: Two words. "Thank you." Now understand that I'm not talking about "Thanks." I'm talking about an actual thank you.
The next time your guy does something like change a lightbulb that needed changing, remember it. Yes, you most certainly COULD have changed that lightbulb, and no, it wasn't that big a deal, but take a moment and actually say "Thank You."
Be specific. Don't just say "Oh, thanks." That's not a Thank You, that's the same as a Poker Sorry. You know, "Gee, sorry I cracked your Aces full of Queens with a four of a kind." BS. You don't really mean it. Instead, when your man gets down from his ladder, or goes to throw out the offending bulb, take a moment and say something like "You know, honey, I was going to change that bulb, and I know it wasn't a big deal, but you've done it for me and now I don't have to take the time to do it myself. I really appreciate it. Thank You for changing that bulb out for me." There, that wasn't so bad, was it? No. Guess what? You'll never have another burned out bulb as long as your marriage lasts. It's that simple. Same thing with anything else. Folding clothes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the counter tops, anything.
Let me give you a hint into the mind of the average man. The only reason your guy changed that lightbulb in the first place is that it was bugging him. He needed to see something well, and the bulb outage was making it harder to do. So, he changed the bulb. Same thing with a counter top. If the counter top is dirty (and by dirty, I don't mean "Hasn't been wiped in 12 hours"), he will wipe it down if he needs it to be clean. Caveat: He will only wipe down the area he needed to be clean. He won't wipe to the end of the counter, he's not going to use it. There is not need to wipe down the part he wasn't going to use.
Now here's the cool part: From now on, he's going to wipe down the entire counter. Why? Because it mattered to you. To YOU, it made a difference.
That's all guys really care about. To feel like they make a difference. To YOU. We only exist in a relationship to serve YOU. If we don't feel like we're making the difference, we stop trying. So, a little Thank You goes a REALLY long way. The down side? You need to check in on some of these things on an irregular basis. Call it once every two or three months. Reiterate your thanks for him doing something that means something to you. Again, not the disposable "Thanks." but something more thought out.
Tip #2 coming shortly.
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1 comment:
Very true!
We, as men, want to be the heroes of our ladies. But, since dragons' population is so low now, there are few chances outside domestic help.
Another thing women can do to have their "guy" well handled is this: if you need something of your man, be specific and be calm. No "would you...", no "could you..." and no "It would be nice...". Be direct: "Please, I need you to do X". Sometimes women think that to be direct is to be rude. For us to be indirect is disgusting. If you express your needs with calm, without emotions, the message will be received strong and clear. And you can be as direct as possible without being perceived as rude.
Be flexible. If you don't need it right now, give him a window of time.
And after that... the prize! An earnest "thank you" will be ear as a "My hero!" and your man will be eager to make things for you.
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