I have a lot of female friends, and strangely some of them think that they have their "guy" well handled. Odds are, they actually do, but every now and again they come to me and say something like "He just doesn't seem to appreciate me anymore." or maybe "He doesn't listen at all". Then they ramble on about how they'll mention something and yet it goes unheeded. I have a simple solution for these things: Two words. "Thank you." Now understand that I'm not talking about "Thanks." I'm talking about an actual thank you.
The next time your guy does something like change a lightbulb that needed changing, remember it. Yes, you most certainly COULD have changed that lightbulb, and no, it wasn't that big a deal, but take a moment and actually say "Thank You."
Be specific. Don't just say "Oh, thanks." That's not a Thank You, that's the same as a Poker Sorry. You know, "Gee, sorry I cracked your Aces full of Queens with a four of a kind." BS. You don't really mean it. Instead, when your man gets down from his ladder, or goes to throw out the offending bulb, take a moment and say something like "You know, honey, I was going to change that bulb, and I know it wasn't a big deal, but you've done it for me and now I don't have to take the time to do it myself. I really appreciate it. Thank You for changing that bulb out for me." There, that wasn't so bad, was it? No. Guess what? You'll never have another burned out bulb as long as your marriage lasts. It's that simple. Same thing with anything else. Folding clothes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the counter tops, anything.
Let me give you a hint into the mind of the average man. The only reason your guy changed that lightbulb in the first place is that it was bugging him. He needed to see something well, and the bulb outage was making it harder to do. So, he changed the bulb. Same thing with a counter top. If the counter top is dirty (and by dirty, I don't mean "Hasn't been wiped in 12 hours"), he will wipe it down if he needs it to be clean. Caveat: He will only wipe down the area he needed to be clean. He won't wipe to the end of the counter, he's not going to use it. There is not need to wipe down the part he wasn't going to use.
Now here's the cool part: From now on, he's going to wipe down the entire counter. Why? Because it mattered to you. To YOU, it made a difference.
That's all guys really care about. To feel like they make a difference. To YOU. We only exist in a relationship to serve YOU. If we don't feel like we're making the difference, we stop trying. So, a little Thank You goes a REALLY long way. The down side? You need to check in on some of these things on an irregular basis. Call it once every two or three months. Reiterate your thanks for him doing something that means something to you. Again, not the disposable "Thanks." but something more thought out.
Tip #2 coming shortly.
April 23, 2007
April 13, 2007
Found this out on the Intarwebs somewhere...
I can't remember where this way, but I found it through reddit.com...
"Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.
Joe prepares his morning breakfast; bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and the amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC (or the NCUA, if he's part of a credit union) because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.
The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have." "
"Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.
Joe prepares his morning breakfast; bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and the amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC (or the NCUA, if he's part of a credit union) because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.
The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have." "
May 26, 2006
Okay, so it's been a LONG while since my last update..
As many of you know, I have two kids now, and they're taking every single available moment of my time to the point where I can't count on doing anything I don't NEED to do. I know you've all been waiting with baited breath for my latest and greatest update to Well Duh!, but now you can sleep again, because here it is.
Because of the above, I've decided to shaite-can any attempts at putting together a podcast for the time being. I may still do one, but right now, I don't have the time.
The inspiration for today's diatribe is linked above, and I think it should be required reading for everyone.
Today's topic is "The War on Terror." I have a couple of big problems here:
1) The is a war on an ideology. This ideology will never entirely be wiped off the face of this earth. There is ALWAYS be someone, somewhere in this world who intends to get what they want through the use of fear. Merriam-Webster defines Terrorism thusly:
Main Entry: ter·ror·ism
Pronunciation: 'ter-&r-"i-z&m
Function: noun
: the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion
- ter·ror·ist /-&r-ist/ adjective or noun
- ter·ror·is·tic /"ter-&r-'is-tik/ adjective
By this most basic definition, terrorism is EVERYWHERE. We, the United States of America, are engaged in Terrorism. Anyone remember "Shock and Awe"? My point is, this is a war that will NEVER, EVER, NOT AS LONG AS THE HUMAN RACE EXISTS, end. Might as well make it the WAR ON AIR!
2) What the President and staff keep telling us is that we're exacting this war to protect Freedom, protect our country, save The Constitution. Sounds really noble, but if the way we do this is to kill thousands (some say hundreds of thousands), watch everybody we can strive to see through the use of wire tapping, throw people in jail without charges, without trial, without recourse, censor our press (including the internet), jail reporters for TELLING THE TRUTH, create "Free Speech Zones", can anyone who speaks out against the government and any of several thousand other little bits over the last 5 years, then what the hell are we actually fighting FOR? Honestly, we've sold the grain to keep the horse.
What infuriates me is that the American people are putting up with it. I'm a Dad, I want to protect my children as much as ANYONE, and probably more than most, but there's a limit. I will NOT let my children grow up into a world where the freedoms that The Constitution of the United States unumerates are conditional. They are NOT conditional. Note that I did not say that the Constitiution gurarantees our rights, it merely states what they are and that it is the goverment's responsibility to protect and defend them.
If you haven't seen it, Boston Legal had an episode on March 14th of this year entitled "Stick it" where Alan Shore (James Spader) gives a closing argument which very clearly says all of this things I've been thinking. You can get both the Audio (mp3) and the Video (wmv) from Crooks And Liars. I am only going to link the page that they're available so that you can pick for yourself and read about it as well, but I will quote some of it.
Alan Shore's closing argument
That is all. More another time.
Because of the above, I've decided to shaite-can any attempts at putting together a podcast for the time being. I may still do one, but right now, I don't have the time.
The inspiration for today's diatribe is linked above, and I think it should be required reading for everyone.
Today's topic is "The War on Terror." I have a couple of big problems here:
1) The is a war on an ideology. This ideology will never entirely be wiped off the face of this earth. There is ALWAYS be someone, somewhere in this world who intends to get what they want through the use of fear. Merriam-Webster defines Terrorism thusly:
Main Entry: ter·ror·ism
Pronunciation: 'ter-&r-"i-z&m
Function: noun
: the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion
- ter·ror·ist /-&r-ist/ adjective or noun
- ter·ror·is·tic /"ter-&r-'is-tik/ adjective
By this most basic definition, terrorism is EVERYWHERE. We, the United States of America, are engaged in Terrorism. Anyone remember "Shock and Awe"? My point is, this is a war that will NEVER, EVER, NOT AS LONG AS THE HUMAN RACE EXISTS, end. Might as well make it the WAR ON AIR!
2) What the President and staff keep telling us is that we're exacting this war to protect Freedom, protect our country, save The Constitution. Sounds really noble, but if the way we do this is to kill thousands (some say hundreds of thousands), watch everybody we can strive to see through the use of wire tapping, throw people in jail without charges, without trial, without recourse, censor our press (including the internet), jail reporters for TELLING THE TRUTH, create "Free Speech Zones", can anyone who speaks out against the government and any of several thousand other little bits over the last 5 years, then what the hell are we actually fighting FOR? Honestly, we've sold the grain to keep the horse.
What infuriates me is that the American people are putting up with it. I'm a Dad, I want to protect my children as much as ANYONE, and probably more than most, but there's a limit. I will NOT let my children grow up into a world where the freedoms that The Constitution of the United States unumerates are conditional. They are NOT conditional. Note that I did not say that the Constitiution gurarantees our rights, it merely states what they are and that it is the goverment's responsibility to protect and defend them.
If you haven't seen it, Boston Legal had an episode on March 14th of this year entitled "Stick it" where Alan Shore (James Spader) gives a closing argument which very clearly says all of this things I've been thinking. You can get both the Audio (mp3) and the Video (wmv) from Crooks And Liars. I am only going to link the page that they're available so that you can pick for yourself and read about it as well, but I will quote some of it.
Alan Shore's closing argument
Alan Shore: When the weapons of mass destruction thing turned out to be not true, I expected the American people to rise up. Ha! They didn't.
Then, when the Abu Ghraib torture thing surfaced and it was revealed that our government participated in rendition, a practice where we kidnap people and turn them over to regimes who specialize in torture, I was sure then the American people would be heard from. We stood mute.
Then came the news that we jailed thousands of so-called terrorists suspects, locked them up without the right to a trial or even the right to confront their accusers. Certainly, we would never stand for that. We did.
And now, it's been discovered the executive branch has been conducting massive, illegal, domestic surveillance on its own citizens. You and me. And I at least consoled myself that finally, finally the American people will have had enough. Evidentially, we haven't.
In fact, if the people of this country have spoken, the message is we're okay with it all. Torture, warrantless search and seizure, illegal wiretappings, prison without a fair trial - or any trial, war on false pretenses. We, as a citizenry, are apparently not offended.
There are no demonstrations on college campuses. In fact, there's no clear indication that young people seem to notice.
Well, Melissa Hughes noticed. Now, you might think, instead of withholding her taxes, she could have protested the old fashioned way. Made a placard and demonstrated at a Presidential or Vice-Presidential appearance, but we've lost the right to that as well. The Secret Service can now declare free speech zones to contain, control and, in effect, criminalize protest.
Stop for a second and try to fathom that.
At a presidential rally, parade or appearance, if you have on a supportive t-shirt, you can be there. If you are wearing or carrying something in protest, you can be removed.
This, in the United States of America. This in the United States of America. Is Melissa Hughes the only one embarrassed?
*Alan sits down abruptly in the witness chair next to the judge*
Judge Robert Sanders: Mr. Shore. That's a chair for witnesses only.
Really long speeches make me so tired sometimes.
Judge Sanders: Please get out of the chair.
Alan: Actually, I'm sick and tired.
Judge Sanders: Get out of the chair!
Alan: And what I'm most sick and tired of is how every time somebody disagrees with how the government is running things, he or she is labeled unAmerican.
U.S. Attorney Jonathan Shapiro: Evidentally, it's speech time.
Alan: And speech in this country is free, you hack! Free for me, free for you. Free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her government and say "Stick it"!
U.S. Attorney Jonathan Shapiro: Objection!
Alan: I object to government abusing its power to squash the constitutional freedoms of its citizenry. And, God forbid, anybody challenge it. They're smeared as being a heretic. Melissa Hughes is an American. Melissa Hughes is an American. Melissa Hughes is an American!
Judge Sanders: Mr. Shore. Unless you have anything new and fresh to say, please sit down. You've breached the decorum of my courtroom with all this hooting.
Alan: Last night, I went to bed with a book. Not as much fun as a 29 year old, but the book contained a speech by Adlai Stevenson. The year was 1952. He said, "The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live and fear breeds repression. Too often, sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind are concealed under the patriotic cloak of anti-Communism."
Today, it's the cloak of anti-terrorism. Stevenson also remarked, "It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them."
I know we are all afraid, but the Bill of Rights - we have to live up to that. We simply must. That's all Melissa Hughes was trying to say. She was speaking for you. I would ask you now to go back to that room and speak for her.
Then, when the Abu Ghraib torture thing surfaced and it was revealed that our government participated in rendition, a practice where we kidnap people and turn them over to regimes who specialize in torture, I was sure then the American people would be heard from. We stood mute.
Then came the news that we jailed thousands of so-called terrorists suspects, locked them up without the right to a trial or even the right to confront their accusers. Certainly, we would never stand for that. We did.
And now, it's been discovered the executive branch has been conducting massive, illegal, domestic surveillance on its own citizens. You and me. And I at least consoled myself that finally, finally the American people will have had enough. Evidentially, we haven't.
In fact, if the people of this country have spoken, the message is we're okay with it all. Torture, warrantless search and seizure, illegal wiretappings, prison without a fair trial - or any trial, war on false pretenses. We, as a citizenry, are apparently not offended.
There are no demonstrations on college campuses. In fact, there's no clear indication that young people seem to notice.
Well, Melissa Hughes noticed. Now, you might think, instead of withholding her taxes, she could have protested the old fashioned way. Made a placard and demonstrated at a Presidential or Vice-Presidential appearance, but we've lost the right to that as well. The Secret Service can now declare free speech zones to contain, control and, in effect, criminalize protest.
Stop for a second and try to fathom that.
At a presidential rally, parade or appearance, if you have on a supportive t-shirt, you can be there. If you are wearing or carrying something in protest, you can be removed.
This, in the United States of America. This in the United States of America. Is Melissa Hughes the only one embarrassed?
*Alan sits down abruptly in the witness chair next to the judge*
Judge Robert Sanders: Mr. Shore. That's a chair for witnesses only.
Really long speeches make me so tired sometimes.
Judge Sanders: Please get out of the chair.
Alan: Actually, I'm sick and tired.
Judge Sanders: Get out of the chair!
Alan: And what I'm most sick and tired of is how every time somebody disagrees with how the government is running things, he or she is labeled unAmerican.
U.S. Attorney Jonathan Shapiro: Evidentally, it's speech time.
Alan: And speech in this country is free, you hack! Free for me, free for you. Free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her government and say "Stick it"!
U.S. Attorney Jonathan Shapiro: Objection!
Alan: I object to government abusing its power to squash the constitutional freedoms of its citizenry. And, God forbid, anybody challenge it. They're smeared as being a heretic. Melissa Hughes is an American. Melissa Hughes is an American. Melissa Hughes is an American!
Judge Sanders: Mr. Shore. Unless you have anything new and fresh to say, please sit down. You've breached the decorum of my courtroom with all this hooting.
Alan: Last night, I went to bed with a book. Not as much fun as a 29 year old, but the book contained a speech by Adlai Stevenson. The year was 1952. He said, "The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live and fear breeds repression. Too often, sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind are concealed under the patriotic cloak of anti-Communism."
Today, it's the cloak of anti-terrorism. Stevenson also remarked, "It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them."
I know we are all afraid, but the Bill of Rights - we have to live up to that. We simply must. That's all Melissa Hughes was trying to say. She was speaking for you. I would ask you now to go back to that room and speak for her.
That is all. More another time.
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